Hungering for Him

This time of prayer, fasting and giving feels so very different to other times we have called the Church to do this together. Like so much else that seems to be happening at the moment, I feel I am in uncharted waters, with the bare bones of a map and basic navigation instruments. Still, it feels exciting starting this adventure and reading the other entries in this blog has encouraged me hugely that this is a God thing and not just another goofy idea!

Last week was not easy, and felt like trying to drive an engine struggling to get out of first gear. After all, this was not the first time I had ever fasted, prayed and given things away. However, it soon became apparent that this was no run of the mill Lent journey, and that I was going to have to navigate very differently. I think I am learning to look out for the Holy Spirit much more each day, and He seems to be closer in the everyday ordinary things than I have known Him to be. Could this be what 'living in the Presence of God' looks vaguely like?

The challenges have mainly been when I have thought I had a fairly clear idea of when I was going to fast or pray, or even give something away, then He shows up with a completely different idea, pressing all my buttons! The conversation might go like this:

Me: Ready for some pudding
H/S: Do you really need it?
Me: I like it
H/S: Your choice
Me: Perhaps I don't like it as much as I thought
I am slowly beginning to realise how much I do things that I can manage, but have little or nothing to do with real desire. My desire is to become so hungry for God that I want Him more than food, more than things, even more than people.

First week was not so easy or as manageable ad I had thought it would be; but there is hope. I am discovering a God who is helping me make choices out of a right desire and not out of the oughts and shoulds. This next 7 weeks will be interesting!

Des Figueiredo, 19/02/2008